English is a Difficult Language
I feel so blessed that when my father sent me to the French School, “Sacre Coeur,” at age five in Beijing, China, the teachers taught us grammar first. Learning about participles, gerunds, moods, cases, genders, numbers, etc., was not easy, but once they are ingrained forever in your memory, then you can speak and write correctly.
Of course English is a little easier than the Romance Languages because of the neuter gender. The word “it” made English so much easier than French, Spanish, Portuguese, etc. After all, why should “the sun” be masculine and “the moon” be feminine? Chinese has no grammar at all, which makes it easier to learn, although the tones may cause some difficulty.
Lest we forget how difficult it is to master the English language, I am going to invite you to join me in laughing at attempts to write in English from around the world.
In an elevator:
- “Please leave your values at the front desk.”
In another elevator:
- “To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.”
At some hotels:
- “The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.”
- “Special today, no ice cream.”
- “Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.”
- “English well talking. Here speeching American.”
- “Coolers and Heaters: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.”
- “Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.”
- “Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.”
- “You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous composers, artists and writers are buried daily, except Thursday.”
- “The manager has personally passed all the water served here.”
Menus in restaurants:
- “Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumpling in the form of a finger, roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.”
- “Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.”
In dress and tailors’ shops:
- “Ladies may have a fit upstairs.”
- “Drop your trousers here for best results.”
- “Dresses for street walking.”
- “Order your summers suit because in big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.”
- “Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.”
In a dentist shop:
- “Teeth extracted by the latest methodists.”
Well that is all. As I said: “English is difficult!”
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