In 1594 a Portuguese ship sighted the main island of Taiwan and dubbed it “Ilha Formosa,” which means “beautiful island.” Although Taiwan (formerly Formosa) has been part of the Chinese empire for a very long time, the aboriginal inhabitants are not even related to the Chinese, but came from the islands of the Pacific.

The Chinese only arrived in large numbers after 1600, when the Dutch East India Company established trading posts and forts on the island. After they defeated the Dutch in 1662, they gained control over the island and stayed until the end of the 19th century when the Japanese took over. They also left their mark on the island, remaining in control until after World War 2, when they were succeeded by Chiang Kai-shek and the Kuomintang.

How can I begin to write about my trip to Taiwan except to use the Portuguese word “Saudade”? “Saudade” is a word that envelopes so many emotions: nostalgia, longing, yearning, love, friendship, desire, etc. No other language has a word like it. Taiwan was once called “Formosa”, another Portuguese word which means “beautiful.”

I was last in Taiwan when my husband, Richard, served in Vietnam between 1968-1970. Our family was not allowed to go to Vietnam, so I went to Taipei, the capital of Taiwan, with my two young children. We were 180 wives with no husbands.

Since then Taiwan has changed so much that I did not know the place, but all for the better. It is a wealthy and vibrant island with hard working, polite people. They especially stress the importance of a good education for its youth.

I wanted to see my older sister, Amy, because her third son Michael had written to tell me she had been ill. It had been many years since I last saw her, as well as her three sons and their families. I did not want to linger over my decision for fear I might change my mind. I booked my ticket and left four days later. None of my family members could go with me, so I was quite nervous about flying half-way around the world alone. I had never gone anywhere without Dick, even on short trips. I closed my mind and refused to think negative thoughts, especially about the typhoon that was pounding the southern part of the island causing devastation and death.

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I feel so blessed that when my father sent me to the French School, “Sacre Coeur,” at age five in Beijing, China, the teachers taught us grammar first. Learning about participles, gerunds, moods, cases, genders, numbers, etc., was not easy, but once they are ingrained forever in your memory, then you can speak and write correctly.

Of course English is a little easier than the Romance Languages because of the neuter gender. The word “it” made English so much easier than French, Spanish, Portuguese, etc. After all, why should “the sun” be masculine and “the moon” be feminine? Chinese has no grammar at all, which makes it easier to learn, although the tones may cause some difficulty.

Lest we forget how difficult it is to master the English language, I am going to invite you to join me in laughing at attempts to write in English from around the world.

In an elevator:

• “Please leave your values at the front desk.”

In another elevator:

• “To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.”

At some hotels:

• “The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.”
• “Special today, no ice cream.”
• “Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.”
• “English well talking. Here speeching American.”
• “Coolers and Heaters: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.”
• “Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.”
• “Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.”
• “You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous composers, artists and writers are buried daily, except Thursday.”
• “The manager has personally passed all the water served here.”

Menus in restaurants:

• “Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumpling in the form of a finger, roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.”
• “Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.”

In dress and tailors’ shops:

• “Ladies may have a fit upstairs.”
• “Drop your trousers here for best results.”
• “Dresses for street walking.”
• “Order your summers suit because in big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.”
• “Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.”

In a dentist shop:

• “Teeth extracted by the latest methodists.”

Well that is all. As I said: “English is difficult!”

This article was first published at JustOneOpinion.com on January 27, 2009. It is presented here in exactly the same text and format for the readers of my own site. – Chi Newman

China is a vast country in Asia, bordering the Pacific Ocean. Many of China’s largest cities are along the east coast, where the land is low and flat, and easy to plant rice in the paddies, rice being the main staple in China. Farther inland, snow capped mountains tower over the landscape. China’s major rivers are the Yangtze and Hwang He, which is also called the Yellow river. They both flow eastward into the sea.

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